The Method:
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
Watch the video below for a brief intro to EFT by the Dr. Sue Johnson, who created the model…
What is EFT?
The method I use when working with couples is called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT is a short-term evidence-based therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson. Over the past 30 years, EFT has been empirically proven and is now recognized as the most effective couples therapy used today.
EFT recognizes that in our relationships, many of us are doing the best we can to be close and attuned to each other even in the midst of conflict and disconnection. Although we want to experience less conflict and tension and to feel closer and more connected to each other the strategies we use to convey this often cause more distance, conflict, and distress.
EFT is based on adult attachment theory - the idea that humans have an innate need to connect with another person, which is crucial to survival, similar to our need to sleep, eat, and find shelter. Initially researchers developed this theory to explain the caregiver-child relationship and it was later realized that this need does not disappear when a person reaches adulthood.
A connected, meaningful partnership helps us get through life's ups and downs. To make this partnership work well, we must be able to navigate through our differences and ask for our needs to be met in a way that the other person can understand and respond to.
EFT is based on the science of love and bonding. First developed in the late 1980’s by Dr. Sue Johnson and her colleagues who have continued to refine and improve the model. Over the last 30 years, a substantial body of research outlining the effectiveness of EFT has been conducted.
Research studies find that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery and approximately 90% show significant improvements.
• Explains why couples get stuck in the same negative “dances” over and over again
• Helps us understand the emotions and needs that fuel this negative pattern
• Doesn’t judge, shame or criticize; instead, it highlights hope and offers compassion
• Gives couples a new way to connect in deep, meaningful ways
The 3 Stages of EFT
Stage 1 (also known as de-escalation) targets the conflict. This is important because a lot of damage gets done to each person and to the bond between the two in these moments and also because we need to have safety between the two people for the alternative way to take place (see stage 2 for the alternative). In certain couples, where there is no conflict, stage 1 helps them understand where they are getting stuck in their own attempts to resolve their issues.
Stage 2 (also referred to as building the alternative) is where couples are helped to build the alternative way to resolve the differences and get their needs met, which was triggering the conflict. The conflict is occurring for a reason and so it is not enough to just not do the conflict, we need to have an alternative way to resolve these issues, as well as any other issue we will face in the future. In couples in which the main issue is an infidelity or other such event, stage 3 is focused on helping them heal from this event.
Stage 3 (also called maintenance) is where couples are helped to ensure the changes they have created in their relationship carry on as the move forward and encounter new challenges and stressors.
Does it Work?
The short answer is yes. The long answer is that over 30 years of research has shown that emotionally focused therapy is the most effective approach for couples that are experiencing difficulties. Studies have found that after completing the therapy, 70-75% of couples were no longer distressed and 90% had improved. This applied to everyone, no matter the level of severity of their problems when they started therapy. Even couples with the most severe problems improved as much as those who had low levels of conflict!
A list of academic research on EFT can be found here.
More on EFT
Find out more on emotionally focused therapy by watching a video from Dr Sue Johnson, the creator of this therapy. She developed it in the 1980s when she started working with couples using the only evidence-based approach of the time - behavior therapy for couples. Discontent with the results she was getting from this approach, she started video-taping her sessions (with her couple’s permission) and then watching the thousands of hours of tapes to try and understand what was at the core of her clients' conflict and distress. One day it clicked - these couples are fighting for survival. Nature has made us depend on our partner for survival and when this connection becomes lost or threatened we react - either shutting down to prevent further harm to ourselves and the relationship or pursuing the other person to try and re-establish this connection.
Dr. Sue Johnson Explains EFT
Podcast Interview of Dr. Sue Johnson
This is a fantastic podcast interview with Dr. Sue Johnson that explains attachment and EFT so well. I highly recommend listening to it!