FAQ - General
How do I set up an appointment?
You can call me at 619-777-6131 or fill out my contact form. I will reach out to you to conduct a complimentary 20 minute consultation call or Zoom to answer questions and make sure we’re a good fit.
Do I need to fill out paperwork?
Yes. Once you’ve scheduled your first appointment, I will email you a link to my client portal. Click the link, create a password, and complete all forms at least a day prior to your first appointment. If you are coming for couples therapy, each partner will be sent their own link and will need to complete their own paperwork. Paperwork includes several consent forms, a questionnaire, demographic information and a credit card form and should take about 20 minutes.
FAQ - Couples Therapy
How often will we meet?
I prefer to work with clients on a weekly basis, at least initially. Less frequent sessions make the work progress too slowly and clients have difficulty reaching their goals. I take on a limited number of clients so I can truly give you my undivided attention.
How many sessions will it take?
The length of treatment is impacted by the client’s commitment to the process and the issues brought into therapy. For couples therapy, I use a relatively short-term method called Emotionally Focused Therapy or EFT. Assuming that the couple is committed to the process and uses the techniques discussed in treatment therapy can take as little as 3-4 months. However, therapy often take quite a bit longer if there’s been an injury to the relationship such as an affair or a betrayal or if either or both partners have a history of trauma, sometimes taking a year or many years.
It helps to get a jump start on treatment by reading Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, by Dr. Sue Johnson, who created EFT. Reading this book or listening to it on Audible, helps to demystify the process of EFT and provides examples of couples who may be going through similar issues you may be facing with your partner.
Will You take sides?
I do not take sides. I don’t actually believe that one person is “the problem.” I view the relationship dynamic as the problem which is getting in the way of a securely attached relationship. I believe that everyone’s trying their best to get their needs met and keep the relationship together so no one is seen as “the bad guy.” There may be moments or even whole sessions when one person gets more attention from the therapist, but overall, both members of the couple should feel heard, understood, and supported throughout the process.
Is it OK if I go alone?
Yes. While couples therapy is more productive if both parties are present, individual relationship therapy can benefit your relationship and help you identify where you and your partner are stuck. It’s not uncommon for one partner to resist coming to couples counseling and in that case I would recommend individual relationship therapy, to get started. Sometimes when the other partner sees how much therapy is benefiting the relationship they’ll rethink their decision. So long as we have not had too many individual sessions, we can discuss moving into couples counseling. If I have seen you individually for quite some time, I’ll recommend another couples counselor and suggest we continue individual therapy simultaneously.
Is it OK if we talk about sex?
Definitely. Sex is an important part of romantic relationships and it’s important that we discuss your satisfaction or lack of satisfaction with your sex life, at your comfort level. If there are problems related to lack of interest or lack of fulfillment during sex it is often connected to your level of connection or disconnection in the relationship. That said, if you believe you’re having a specific medical problem, we’ll discuss a possible referral to a medical specialist.
Will couples therapy save my relationship?
In short, I hope so. My job as your therapist is to work myself out of a job. I hope very much that the two of you reestablish the close, connected, happy relationship you both deserve. The good news is that most of the time, couples therapy works. Clinical studies show that Emotionally Focused Therapy improves relationships for 75-80% of couples. EFT research studies find that 70-75% of couples move from distress to recovery through treatment and approximately 90% show significant improvements. Those are good odds. Can I guarantee that couples counseling will work for your relationship? No. But I sure hope so.
We’ve tried couples counseling before and it didn’t work. Why will it work now?
Many well meaning therapists offer couples therapy without any specific couples therapy training, not realizing that effective couples counseling requires different skills and techniques than providing therapy to individuals. So, if you did couples therapy before and it didn’t work, it’s likely that your therapist did not have specific training. Another reason it may not have worked is that both partners may not have been ready to fully commit to the process. There may have been personal issues, addictions, or other reasons keeping a partner from participating fully or being open to changing. While there are no guarantees that couples therapy will work this time, it’s likely that if there’s an issue with your relationship, there’s a whole lot at stake so it might be worth giving it another go.
Can couples therapy help if there’s violence in my relationship?
Couples therapy is contraindicated (should not be used) when there is ongoing violence or threats of violence in the relationship. The process of couples therapy is about creating emotional safety in the relationship and which is not possible if someones physical safety is at risk. If there is violence in your relationship, it is recommended both partners work with individual therapists until safety is restored before couples therapy is considered. If you are in an unsafe relationship contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-SAFE(7233) or visit thehotline.org.